Groan ... the thought of dating again is more than most women over 50 can face with any confidence, much less enthusiasm. For those newly divorced or widowed, even those still just looking, it quickly becomes painfully clear that the rules have changed since their 20s or 30s.
For those new to the dating scene, they may not be mentally or emotionally ready to date again, according to Barbara Bellman, a veteran of the dating wars and co-author of the new book, Flirting after Fifty: Lessons for Grown-Up Women on How to Find Love Again. "Newly single, middle-aged women are frightened at the prospect, vulnerable, and uneasy about the whole thing," says Bellman. "What worked years ago may often seem ridiculous and ineffective now."
She should know. Married and divorced thrice, Bellman can relate with the over-50 female through her own hard won lessons. Now happily married to a veterinary ophthalmologist she calls "a keeper", Bellman offers solutions on to how to comfortably and elegantly, find love again. "Getting ready for love again starts with you."
First, women after 50 need to know when they are ready to even begin to look for a date. Using real-life examples and humorous anecdotes, Bellman reveals what makes some women better at getting a date than others. "We need to be more accepting of ourselves at this stage of life while understanding that there are new rules on how to attract the kind of men that can become good companions and possibly, rest-of-life partners."
The advice is peppered with some cautions. "There are so many pitfalls women need to avoid as they brush up on their flirting skills," adds Flirting after Fifty co-author Susan Goldstein, a divorce lawyer who herself is single (but partnered) again. "As women learn to be more adventurous, they also need to know when to be cautious, and understand why men may be cautious as well."
Flirting After Fifty deftly guides boomer women through the current dating process by addressing:
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